Should there be an award this year for most vanity-free performance, Patricia Arquette would surely be a contender: Witness the white crew socks; pleated, pastel mom shorts and Dorothy Hamill bowl cut she’s saddled with in “Permanent.” Out Friday, Colette Burson’s quirky family comedy is set in 1980s Virginia, where Burson grew up — and, incidentally, where the Arquette family, including Patricia’s older sister Rosanna and younger brother David, lived for a time.

“I think they spent $2.27 on my wardrobe,” the LA-based 49-year-old tells The Post from New York, where Ben Stiller’s directing her, Benicio del Toro and Paul Dano in “Escape at Dannemora,” an upcoming Showtime limited series. Between bursts of hysterical laughter, here’s what the Oscar-winning star of 2014’s “Boyhood” had to say about hair and more.

I had an audition many years ago where I was supposed to play this tough girl who joins this band, and they also dance. Her name was kind of Italian, so I did a temporary rinse to make my hair dark. All of a sudden, [the audition runners] said, “OK, now the dance part. Five, six, seven, eight! Go! Turn right! Turn left!” I’m not a dancer, and I was sweating so profusely, the dye started pouring all over my face and my white tank top. It was a humiliating disaster.

I did not get the part. But I brought a little joy and humor to the director and whole crew when I left the room. I actually helped someone have a terrible hair experience. I came home one day and my brother David, who was probably 4, had given himself a bang trim, and it was very jig-jaggedy. I said, “Mom’s gonna hate your hair when she sees it.” You know when you push your bangs to the side and it makes a little arch? Well, I cut his bangs [giggles] so they went slowly down in a curve shape. [Hysterical laughter]. I’ve never seen bangs [like that] in my life before, or after. He thought it was good, but my mom was horrified.

Oh, yes — he’s so sweet! Rosanna did my hair, and that didn’t come out great, either. She did a shag for me for my first-grade photo. I had no front teeth, and she gave me this cavewoman shag!

It was a really interesting way to grow up. None of us had any money. We were running around barefoot, catching fireflies in jars and making forts in the woods.

It’s been a while now. I’ve been shooting in New York since August, so I haven’t seen him, but he’s been on my mind. Frankly, I’d like to try to catch up with all the kids I’ve worked with, on “The Medium,” too. They’re all such incredible people.

Right now it’s on the floor of my bedroom. I’m always endlessly organizing, and I’m not very organized.

Pretty much by the time I’m done with a movie, I want to burn the whole wardrobe. I have dental prosthetics for [“Escape”], and I just keep imagining myself stepping on them with my shoe!